I dyed my hair

Hello people!!!

As the title says...I dyed my hair and the color was supposed to be blond, but I knew it wouldn't end up like that...so, I expected a SURPRISE!!...well, more like carrot hair...

BUT at the end, this is how it looks ^^;

How does it look? I know it is a lovely palette of colors on my head...VERY autumn *wink*

Idk If I should leave it as it is or dye it again...it doesn't look THAT bad. I am getting used to it, it was a CHANGE from reds and blacks.

As you can see, my bishonen look is changing since my hair has been growing at a weird rate. Sad Panda! Would Takano san even look at me now that I look more girlish?!!!

On other news, I am going to become a zombie on Thursday and will be one probably until Saturday or Sunday since (like last week) I have a huge school paper due on Friday...

*Gio answering the questions in your mind*
 
Have you start it? nope... 


What is it about? movie reviews and idk what else..


Have you even watch the movie? movie?...MOVIES! 3 movies...and nope, I haven't...

In other words,

WISH ME GOOD LUCK!! I WILL NEED IT!!

I shall now, leave you with...

Song of the day

and as always, I love you TAKANO SAN <3

Macachos, Alucard and Personality/Career Interest Test

Today, I had to test my culinary skills and gave the world a taste of MACACHOS!

I bet you are thinking: "What are macachos?" and the answers is this:

 

DailyGrace ^^

So, I followed the instructions...kind of... Did you know cheese was invented by a photographer? Well, I did!! no wonder I love cheese and photography...

Anyway here is my culinary art piece:

Look at that guacamole heart <3

My macachos weren't as delicious as I expected them to be, but I bet it is because I was missing the sour cream. Meh...

Onto other news, I got A NEW ALUCARD FIGURE!!! yesh!! I am so, collecting the Hellsing 'Search & Destroy' Collection.

Warning: Alucard looks preggo in the package. No pun intended lol

 I can't wait to open it and to take pictures of it, along with the other collection figures. My sister got Anderson's figurine that belong to Vol 2, and I have the Alucard that goes with it *excited*

Hopefully I will be able to take the pictures soon, to celebrate here is the last AMAZING ending to OVA VII. Again, I am in the long wait for the next Hellsing OVA...

Such a sensual tune, isn't it?

Lastly, for a class I had to search for a Personality or Career Interest test...which only remind me of those quizzes that you usually take on fb when you are bored (I actually said this in my class forum post). Luckily for me I was able to find this page

http://similarminds.com/personality_tests.html 

It has a lot of FREE psychology tests, without having to 'Sign up' (took me like 30mins to find it). I got the results I expected...but I also took others and the one that made me laugh the most, and I obviously recommend to take it for the 'LOLs' is 'Ask The Oracle'

Just write random stuff, do the test, get the results...AND LAUGH THE WHOLE TIME!

Here are mine results:

Gio's awesome results ;)

I wish I could do what the Oracle has recommended me to do, but... Takano san, where are you?!!

Ohh well this shall be the end for now, but as always

I love you Takano san!~

PS- Remember to post your results if you get anything funny. Spread the love~~~

It was Friday and Now it is Saturday... NO WAY!!!

Hello people!

All this week I have been writing a pretty depressing story, which I have yet to finish and to revise the latest parts. I haven't had the time and I am just writing this post really fast, because I have a midterm to study for D:

To cheer me up, I have listening to many old songs like this one:

Paradise Kiss anyone?

Not only I have school issues, but I also believe  that I am passing through a regression phase (I mean, come on! read the story)

Sooo yesterday I went to Wal-mart with my purple and cool 'hello kitty' shirt and my "Pirates of the Caribbean bag'

A VERY mature shirt ^^

 A Pirate's Life ;)

 and guess what I brought? what a normal 23 year old woman would buy....WINE and of course...TOYS!!!

I didn't know these adorable dolls existed!!AWEE~~She is like an artist and looks like me :3

I couldn't say no to TIMON since he is LOVE <3

Not rly a toy but...I am going to marathon these BATMAN movies after the midterm

After spending some quality time at Wal-mart I pretty much ate a bunch of CHEESE and drank a bunch of WINE till I felt horribly sick. I didn't get drunk nor even tipsy, it was just a horrible stomach ache...? my eyes were watery, I had goosebumps...and I was pretty worried it might have been food poisoning at that moment.  After 3 or 4hrs I felt better and read, and read....and READ.

BUT before reading like a mad woman...I had to watch the first episode of SEKAIICHI HATSUKOI!!!!

TAKANO SAN IS BACK!!!! KYAAA~~~ *fangirl scream insert here*

^Wallpaper from the official web site ^

That was all that happened yesterday and today~~~

Since I don't want to suffer alone, I shall now give you an idea of what I must do for my midterm:

I have to read all that tonight! approximately~300 pages

Not only need to read from that book, but I also have to read a chapter from another one and to review online lectures so, that I can take that lovely test tomorrow.

The pain can be seen in his small and cute green face doesn't? 

I bet I will end up looking like this,  if/when I finish reading all that I have to read.

So, yeah this is my life for now...I shall now leave you with this song that I have been listening all this week, because it REALLY describes how I've been feeling lately </3

See you all later and as always,

I Love you Takano san ^^

Short Story Part IV (First Draft)

Indeed, in my mind I knew I have seen and fallen in love with love. 

It came to me one morning and the impossible happened. He, that young man who I saw for some seconds and thought of the improbability to see him face to face was logic to follow in that dimension.  There at that point in time, in the same world, in the same dimension, same place, same universe, my invisible dream took form and shape to physical perfection. 

 A bliss to have meet him, to have seen him and to know he would never meet the real me and to be forever blind to see my soiled self. Days, weeks, and time passed and without noticing the improbable happened, he noticed the defective, small, pathetic, and insignificant me and smiled. It took one smile for me to fall in love with love. 

“Love at first sight” it wasn’t exactly that, for I have always dedicated my hope to the idealism of love. He was only the physical presence of it, my living hope and an everlastingly memory of what I will never get. Everyone says that eyes are the mirror of the soul and perhaps that is where “love at first sight” lies, but it took me a smile for me to be chained for years to that person. A tender and sincere smile perfectly placed to a charming individual, I could not ask for more…I was never in a position to ask for anything.

One day, it vanished and I was there left in a place of despair to ceaselessly wait for it to come back again. Time, months, years passed and everything changed inside and outside me. I no longer were the little girl who now I meet in my death bed, I were no longer the broken girl lost in that world, no longer the adolescent who dreamt and hope for a bright future, no longer a person who had the right to seek and obtain “love’s true love”. I changed and became more filthy, uncaring and blind to reality. That is how I became an adult and died. 

Apparently, sadness, hope, solitude and stupidity really loved me for once, before dying I was able to see love’s smile once again. This time it came to me thru words and it can only be described as a bittersweet journey that I experienced by blinding myself to reality. I again once knew the changes of probability were as diminutive as capturing the moonlight with a water drop. 

I am trying to smile like the clown that I am, with the memories of my mad addiction. I remember my sweet and nice illusion, that in the process were addictive, painful and irrational. It is still here hurting in my chest, a proof that once I was human, a stupid one that fell in love with something that could never be.  

Short Story- Part III (First Draft)

The world once again changed and without given a forewarning the two of them were placed now in a desert.

The warm climate highly different from the past one; owned a wind which stroke their cheeks and burned them with its presence. Coughing and lost in a sand storm they could not see anything and hold to each other. 

Suddenly, the storm ceased and the two of them face each other again. Surprisingly they did not feel any thirst or another essential need; this once again reaffirmed their placement in another plane different to their own. 

The little girl with her fresh skin and disappointing face expression asked in a bitter tone:

 “Nobody ever touched us? Is that what you are saying?”

The other one clearing her throat just to spit a lie responded:  “Nobody ever touch us”

Once again another sand storm started as brutal as the last one forced the two of them to become closer and could only support each other by embracing themselves.

While this occurred the older one could only think of the truth behind her lie. She lied in order to conceal her embarrassment and misfortune. Her younger herself was indeed too young to even have knowledge of the malicious and unfortunate incident that occurred when the older one was eleven years old. 

If only she knew how a piece of her innocence died on that day at the hands of a malevolent and depraved man whose intentions were polluted. He touched and tainted part of us in an instant, frozen to react and to scream we could only respond when the dishonest man’s lips almost touched ours. The memory almost gone but never forgotten with repercussions which include but did not limit to: distrust and a ruined self concept. 

Whispering to the small ear placed next to her lips, the older woman whose glasses were useless due to the sand, repeated those words “we were just never good” once again only to be followed by the same apology “I am sorry for not making our wish come true”

The memories of cold, bitter, dishonest, and uncaring people who only approached us appeared and disappeared as shadows on the sand while the storm calmed itself down. The sun rapidly came down and in its place a moon came to be the light and guide to nowhere.

“Myself, I think I hate you…We were supposed to find love and be happy, be beautiful, smart and successful. I only see a dirty, stupid and pathetic woman who didn’t change and found no love. I despise you and I am glad you are dead!”

The little girl pushed the depressed and disgraceful woman away from her; just when she was falling down to the orange ocean of sand another memory escaped her unconscious and became vivid. She had a pain on her abdomen on that rainy day, and just when the tired young woman was about to cross the wet street; a car approached her at high speed and the last thing she saw and remembered were the lights of a car and a blurry sky that cried on her as she collapsed on the ground.  

Staring at the starry night only these words came out “you are wrong, I did find it and I…I fell in love with love, but he did not fall in love with me”

Short Story-Part II (Second Draft)

After crying her heart out, the young woman stood up and once again had a glance at the fake paradise, which in a blink of a second disappeared and everything turned to darkness once again. “What happened?” but before finishing any thought,  both of them felt the sensation of falling down, but who knows what exactly happened or what the experience it might have been.   

There was nothing up or down, no sounds and nothing to assure their existence with the exception of the warmth coming from their hands. Having their eyes closed or open didn’t make a difference. A floor to stand up didn’t exist and they could only talk to the nothingness.

“Are we floating?” “Falling?” “Should we be afraid?”

The flow of thoughts in their heads was unsettling and vast like the ocean itself, which they could never be able to see again. In the mist of doubt and in a reflex to fear, the same person split into two let go of each other’s hand to touch themselves in order to reassure their presence; seeking a physical body that by logic should contain that flow of thoughts. The conclusion: they were there and they were not. 

The kid remained silent for a moment and the young woman could only feel something worse than her earthly fear. She thought that rejection could be the worst thing in her world but in here the nothingness penetrated her being as a cold air on a snowy night. 

 “Why is my younger self not talking, is she not afraid? What could she be thinking? Perhaps, she no longer is there…” unconsciously or consciously she tried to reach for the only company in the afterworld, but who could tell if her mind or if her body reacted to her wish?

“Am I talking out loud?  Am I only thinking? Do I have a voice?  Can I cry and be heard? Am I here? Are you here myself? Do I no longer exist?”

Desiring for tears and longing for something or someone, the frightening moment died with a scream in the infinite. The scream of a child shattered reality and not knowing how or when it happened both ended up  sitting on the edge of a bridge, a sea of different hues of blue and green  were beneath their feet, and a sky as clear and white on their heads felt as if snow could fall from the cosmos at anytime.To their right and to their left only the significance of pi can be similar to what they saw, the bridge had no start or an end and the little girl asked her older self 

“Were you able to find it, to obtain it, did it searched for you?” 

Not knowing exactly what the innocent girl meant with her words, the younger woman couldn’t respond.

“Did it find us? Tell me that we were able to grasp what we desired the most!”

As if the wind existed in that bizarre place, the woman felt a sudden breeze on her face and responded with a straight face “No, our wish was never fulfilled. Love did not love us back” 

The kid with watery eyes glanced down as if trying to see a reflection on the water; to her disappointment she just saw just a frozen ocean. Her facial expression changed and a wicked smile formed on her face, in which only her lips moved to say: “My only wish and desire was never fulfilled? I died without been loved?”

 Giggling at first and then laughing she saw her vivid reflection but older in a way, and tears rolled down her clean and tanned cheeks. In shame the older one moved her sight to the measureless frozen sea and with a broken voice told the girl from her past:

“Nobody could ever love us for who we were and are, nobody could understand our hidden artistic beauty, nobody could see behind the pious lies we told, and nobody could penetrate the darkness of our shield  which we created to avoid pain…”

Trying to restrain herself from crying again and holding her pain like if it was a very expensive jewel, the pitiful woman stopped to breath and then, looked up at the sky.  Staring back at the mirror of her existence, whose face only showed tenderness, the wiser persona could no longer hold her pathetic truth. 

“No man ever hugged us with love, no… man ever kissed us with love, no man ever touched us with love, and no man ever made love to us...”

After taking a freezing deep breath, she told the little girl with now ice-covered lips in a weak and hoarse voice:

“My younger self, we... the you and I that were one at one point… were just never good enough”

Short Story- Part I (Second Draft)

 In Love with Love

It starts where it ends; the two of them who used to be one faced each other in the dark. There was a young woman almost in her mid twenties and facing her, a little girl whose age appeared to be of an eight year old.
The two of them recognized each other and the little girl asked her older self "Did we die?"

The older one, whose mind could not believe her situation, looked around for clues on what had happened. The nothingness embraced the two, and the older one didn't remember how she ended up in that place. The little girl with a frightened face pulled the red long sleeve the young woman was wearing and asked once again "Did we die?"

"I do not know, I am not sure...who are you?" The 24 year old woman responded to the little girl who looked and sounded like herself.

"I am....I don't know, I don't remember my name...where are we? I do not know where we are, but..but are you me?"

"I don't remember my name either, but you do look like me...I guess we did die"

Both of them looking at each other with no knowledge of how they got there or what on earth happened, hold their hands as if they were siblings with watery eyes and confused as ever.

Who knows how much time it passed since and in this case it is irrelevant; for the ones who have reached eternity a minute might be a second or a year. They began to walk to an unknown path, with no destiny taking steps on an invisible road. The little girl were curious and wanted to ask so many questions to her older self. She also could not keep her dark brown eyes from the tall figure next to her. She look very different from what she imagined herself to be in the future, her older self didn't have her black hair, or the same hairstyle, she was not as pretty as what she would have expected her to be, her older self wore glasses, and did not wear heels or a beautiful dress. Instead, the woman wore a normal shirt, with some jeans and black flat shoes, her short messy orange and reddish hair was a different color from her black eyebrows made her seem somehow manly.

On the other side, the young woman felt the girl’s warm hand and began to remember vaguely some of her childhood memories. The girl walking next to her was indeed herself from the past, she felt it and saw her as how she remembered herself to be. The little girl had the short black hair that she dislike a lot at that age because it made her feel like a boy, the white shirt with blue pants that didn't match those pink and white tenni shoes. Both of them were a walking mirror to each other, in the real world they could have been mistaken as siblings, cousins, maybe as daughter and mother.

The silence was too much for the young one and began questioning her older reflection.
 "Are you really me? How come you look like this and not how we were supposed to be? We hate this short hair and these shirts and jeans...how come you don't look pretty and girly?"
Giggling a little, the older woman said "I am sorry, but it is not convenient to wear a dress and heels when you are on your day off..." a piece of memory came to her as she said those words "Yeah, I wasn't working that day" The little girl excited jumped in front of her looking up to meet her eyes on the other girl "Do you remember now, what happened to us? Remember our name?"

"I woke up, on my bed there was my laptop on as usual...my books...I can't remember more" The girl with little disappointing sighed and pointed out a light on the road "HEY!! let’s go over there" she ran towards a light spot but her older self stop her "Not so fast, we don't know what could be there" in her mind, she thought of death and her fear of not been able to go back. The little girl turned around to her and yelled "WE ARE ALREADY DEAD!! let’s just go" grabbing the woman's hand she pulled her towards the light and in a moment they reached it; only to find a place full of flowers almost like a garden but an ending to this one could not be seen.

The woman sat on the beautiful green grass that look as lively and perfect as if coming from a movie. The young woman with red hair let her young self wonder around. The sun warmed her soul and after stretching her arm as to reach the sun with her left hand, she noticed the little girl came back holding a red rose. "Here, for you" the girl with black short hair gave the rose to her older self and thus, the older one began to cry.

"Why are you crying old me? it is just a rose, bet you got many...dozens of roses and flowers from so many secret admirers and men who wanted to go out with you"

Thinking her words would make everything better in fact worsen the situation, and the little girl had a bad feeling about it. "Did we not receive many flowers? Well, perhaps tons of presents, didn't we? I bet many guys gave us rings in order for us to be their girlfriend, right?"

Her older self cried louder and whip many tears inconsolably, trying to stop crying and breathing in between she told and apologize to her younger self "I am really, really sorry but you are the first one to have ever given me a red rose" Trying to clean her tears and shame, the young woman with her long sleeves placed her covered hands on her eyes. Leaving the red rose on her lap and with a breaking heart the young girl also cried a little and hugged her older self.

"We never received expensive presents like you wish, my lovely 8 year old self...We never received any Valentine's present either. We have never been on a date nor has anyone invited us or asked us on one"

Both of them were just there, the older one sitting down and the younger one embracing her for a moment of eternity.

Life sucks

Hello people,

 I feel like I should write a personal story full of despair with a very tragic plot. Should I try?

While I am still trying to make sense of it in my head, for now I should post these videos that made my day...less shitty than it is.

 Kitty got your tongue?

Hope it doesn't give anyone nightmares, because it is a great short film. The story and the narrative reminds me of Edgar Allan Poe, didn't he wrote a short story about a cat?

Anyway, I recommend this youtube channel to everyone who enjoys these type of stories. There are not many videos in it, and I watched them in a short time.

MrMorgansOrgans

The next two I am going to post is one story that really got me today. Since I am in a very melancholic, depressed, destructive state after been rejected; I could not help but to meditate on the many different themes of this story.

At first I thought "WOAH, so many fetishes don't even know where to start, wait.. is that a phallic symbol? you bet it is!"
 I am not sure where to start to analyze, and if I should attempt to explain in detail the meaning behind it. Perhaps, not sure if I should approach and give my full understanding of my interpretation of this art piece with all of you.

I guess I will start with the main theme and my interpretation of it.

-We humans, tend to suck at life and we experience aloneness. We want to find relatedness and to experience we are somebody special to someone else. Truth is WE ARE BORN AND DIE fcking alone!!!
-I guess the old man didn't want to find his life is complete shit and die alongside a freaking maggot. Did I say 'alongside'? I mean maggot who is fcking going to KILL HIM IN HIS SLEEP!!

I shall move now to symbolism
-maggot: phallic symbol
-Hole in the wall: a hole in the freaking wall
-Picture: isn't it obvious the dead tree means the old mean is alone and his penis is also dead?
-Mask: pretend to be someone else...
-The old man: yourself

Moving along with other themes:
-Everything is pretty sexual, as I said there are many fetishes. Voyeurism and necrophilia even bestiality?(don't know if that counts for worms...)

• Anyone flinch when the maggot got into the woman's corpse? I did

-Solitude duh!! 

I don't feel like blogging about this video anymore, I mean everything seems pretty obvious... if you didn't get something ask me, I'll tell you what I think.

As always, I hate the emptiness of solitude and the idealization of love and relationships.

Ciao~~~

NOW I know....why I felt uneasy yesterday!

Hello people,
So, these are the apparent reason why I believe I felt uneasy yesterday:

• Reason number one:
• I got in contact with an old friend from Junior High, which is great!! I was pretty happy on fb yeah....but
• Reason number two:
• I also got into contact with another friend...a male friend, whose relationship was very odd when we were studying abroad like 2...about to be 3 yrs ago. He told me about his life and breakup and don't know how to feel about that....yeap, weird and awkward.
• Reason number three and most importantly:
• One of my best friends had an accident YESTERDAY, and ended up with a sprained wrist...He is in another country, well continent and no way to see him. Great...and I wanted to chat with him and now I am not so sure...how is he going to type?

I  have to do homework and study for a midterm this week, and I am still feel uneasy about things. What should I expect now?

Need some music to calm down....

(I love this song, and I can't get tired of it. I wish I would know the lyrics, but can't find them anywhere. The group seems to be new and it is just so fucking awesome, I feel like I have found a treasure)

Uneasy Feeling...

Lately, I have had weird mixed feelings

Right now, I feel nervous and anxious about nothing...I do not have a perfect life, but I don't really have a motive to be this uneasy. It is like I am impatient for something or like I have the feeling something is going to happen.

It is not only this but all this past week I have been craving for a cigarette and guess what? I don't smoke and have never been a smoker before.

Another weird thing that I have experience are my dreams, I can identify the stimuli that might cause them but they are just too abnormal (even for MYSELF!!) I had a color dream that turned into black and white and then color was in it too. The scene was really bizarre and if I have the time I might try to draw it. I dreamt with my high school crush, I can't remember the dream but I have the feeling that was about something that at a previous time would have had me rejoiced in hope. I wish I could say it is was a pleasant dream, but first I don't remember and second of all, it is too late to even have any feelings towards him...It is so irrelevant at this point in time because I no longer like him.

Today, I didn't care much about school even thou I usually get that procrastination inspiration that kicks in at the perfect time to complete whatever I have to do...THIS did not happened.

I talked to my sister about something serious, about suicide and how at a times it might not seem like it is but it is. We talked about the people who jumped at 9/11 and if that could be considered suicide. My sister and another friend agreed and I do too to an extend, but surprisingly I feel like I would have had done the same but not really because I lack the courage to actually jump.  I want to just think that I am not able to decide in a case like this and probably do not have a coherent decision because I think all depends on the situation.

Anyway, maybe I am becoming an 'attention whore' because I have posted this on fb and twitter...I am writing about it and I feel like talking about it but not really....SEE WHAT I MEAN

I just really hope nothing bad happens...maybe I have too much free time or not something important to worry about...maybe I should just shut up and swallow whatever feeling this is...(O.o)?

I don't even know what to say to end this post....could it be an existential issue?