{Here is the first part from the first Chapter of my short story about 'Sloth'. Probably going to post or add the next part after I am done with the first draft.}
Prologue
It was not always like this, the other night I dreamt of the different me. In the dream I saw myself as a young girl with aspirations, hopes and dreams just like any other. The dream ended just like any other, by facing reality and its harsh punishment for those who aim to high. I flew too high into the blue and shiny sky just to be blinded by the sun and finally fall rapidly to the dry ground. My wings broken and falling to pieces just like my goals, the wind hitting my back as if whipping me for desiring too much. When did it become a sin to wish, to desire, to dream?
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Chapter I "Her Present"
Time stop running rapidly, I can’t keep up with the rhythm. Can’t you tell I no longer can dance under this freezing weather? Time, please go slowly on me and let us together enjoy this last ballad. Indeed, let us once again embrace in a fake eternity one last time, before the real one comes and takes me away. The snow somehow feels warm underneath my useless body and I can’t lie and say that I don’t feel thirsty. In fact, the water drops created as the snowflakes melt away on my lips are not enough for this uncontrollable thirst. It bothers me a little but it is not like I can do anything about it, for my spirit can barely even make my body sigh. In the corner of my eye I can barely see the pavement, how utterly ordinary it look but with the proper tint and this marvelous snow it should become a marvelous piece of art. There it goes slowly and properly carrying itself away from me, it is a magnificent river of warm colors which carriers a lifetime; here and now it is simply flowing in a synchronized music that I can only hear while the snow keeps falling. Grandiose? I am waiting for it to be, not for others just for me to lonely admire as my last work on this earth. I shall baptize it: “My Last Drop of Beauty”
Incredibly as it sounds, there are no remains of fear for I have wish for this moment many times before. I never realize that peace as this one could ever be found on this materialistic plane however, it is painful nonetheless as the wounds keep reminding me of the bound I still have with mother earth. Is there anything worth crying over? Yes, there is as that blue and grayish sky reminds me how far it is from me. Why couldn’t you be mine at least once in this lifetime? I envy those who can see straight at you with joy, starring at the bright stars as if looking for destiny, embracing under your bright sun, giggling together or crying a little under the tedious moonlight, wishing for certain a moment to happen as if meteors could ever make it come true. All of this I could never do because, you belong to someone else and I had no right to love you the way I do. You are so mighty high away from me, you don’t see me the way I want you to and…and…I am finally crying. I longed for you to embrace me, to comfort me and save me, but you never did. I could never hate you for my existence depended on you; I became sea foam just to be closer to your reflection but all in vain for I could never be good enough. Now, that you know my secret I forbid you to smile at me out of pity, if I were to be gone from this place I don’t want anyone to even pronounce my name.
This is an ephemeral dream from which I don’t want to ever wake up; irony is that I after I close my frozen eyelids they might not ever open again. I’ll never get to see you again and contemplate the real sky, from now on you will be the sky I have always dreamt of. Perfect in your imperfection but finally mine, the obsession that was kept a secret from anyone but always present in my being. Am I finally beautiful and at least worth seeing for this last moment? Sky, I lied to myself some moments ago, for this lovely image is not only for me but also for you. Please, see me dance in a motionless ballad that only could be heard by us. I can feel tears coming from my soul, and can only ask to be a perfect painted canvas for the one I love the most. Is this irrational? To have been enticed by the unknown entity whose attention is for everyone except me?
I can hear footsteps and my body is abruptly flexing my abdominal muscles. Coughing never felt so painful before, why is my right hand taking forever to move? I need to cover this filthy blood whose presence is not pleasant to my scenery. Stop it! Body of mine, just stop and give up already! And this noise it better not be people. GO AWAY! I don’t want you to ruin it, my last gift to the world. You will you ruin it like your destroyed my will to be. Ignorant people! All of you, with your idiotic and your useless actions… why couldn’t you just disappear? I despise you for I am part of you without even wanting to be, from all the people in this entire world why did I have to be like you? Prejudice was placed upon me due to the fact that we physically are alike, but I wish I had the guts and power to eradicate the likes of you from this planet. If I could, I wouldn’t die on the same soil you step everyday and would have gone to a different place where discrimination won’t touch me as much it has thanks to you uneducated, parasitic, and vulgar masses. All of you deserve to be seen down and be in the low place you are for taking advantages from others and from not having ambition to be better. I…. had it in me once, but I am now lying on this white covered nasty, filthy and disgusting soil trying once again to make something aesthetical appealing for... for… me and him.
It doesn’t matter anymore, my body is broken and I might be hallucinating for I don’t see shadows, the noises have transformed into a deep silence that has hypnotized the last piece of consciousness left in me. I shouldn’t wish for anyone to disappear…I am ugly, am I not? I called them parasites when at the end of my days I did nothing productive to be proud of. I have always been the ugly broken doll that I am now, just lying on an empty bed always sleeping and dreaming. It is not that I avoid reality, or maybe I was but has always been aware that I could not do anything else but to give my desires to Morpheus and wish to be different in his world.
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