Hello people,
So, these are the apparent reason why I believe I felt uneasy yesterday:
Reason number one:
I got in contact with an old friend from Junior High, which is great!! I was pretty happy on fb yeah....but
Reason number two:
I also got into contact with another friend...a male friend, whose relationship was very odd when we were studying abroad like 2...about to be 3 yrs ago. He told me about his life and breakup and don't know how to feel about that....yeap, weird and awkward.
Reason number three and most importantly:
One of my best friends had an accident YESTERDAY, and ended up with a sprained wrist...He is in another country, well continent and no way to see him. Great...and I wanted to chat with him and now I am not so sure...how is he going to type?
I have to do homework and study for a midterm this week, and I am still feel uneasy about things. What should I expect now?
Need some music to calm down....
(I love this song, and I can't get tired of it. I wish I would know the lyrics, but can't find them anywhere. The group seems to be new and it is just so fucking awesome, I feel like I have found a treasure)
Right now, I feel nervous and anxious about nothing...I do not have a perfect life, but I don't really have a motive to be this uneasy. It is like I am impatient for something or like I have the feeling something is going to happen.
It is not only this but all this past week I have been craving for a cigarette and guess what? I don't smoke and have never been a smoker before.
Another weird thing that I have experience are my dreams, I can identify the stimuli that might cause them but they are just too abnormal (even for MYSELF!!) I had a color dream that turned into black and white and then color was in it too. The scene was really bizarre and if I have the time I might try to draw it. I dreamt with my high school crush, I can't remember the dream but I have the feeling that was about something that at a previous time would have had me rejoiced in hope. I wish I could say it is was a pleasant dream, but first I don't remember and second of all, it is too late to even have any feelings towards him...It is so irrelevant at this point in time because I no longer like him.
Today, I didn't care much about school even thou I usually get that procrastination inspiration that kicks in at the perfect time to complete whatever I have to do...THIS did not happened.
I talked to my sister about something serious, about suicide and how at a times it might not seem like it is but it is. We talked about the people who jumped at 9/11 and if that could be considered suicide. My sister and another friend agreed and I do too to an extend, but surprisingly I feel like I would have had done the same but not really because I lack the courage to actually jump. I want to just think that I am not able to decide in a case like this and probably do not have a coherent decision because I think all depends on the situation.
Anyway, maybe I am becoming an 'attention whore' because I have posted this on fb and twitter...I am writing about it and I feel like talking about it but not really....SEE WHAT I MEAN
I just really hope nothing bad happens...maybe I have too much free time or not something important to worry about...maybe I should just shut up and swallow whatever feeling this is...(O.o)?
I don't even know what to say to end this post....could it be an existential issue?
