Catching Words

No wind, just an intense fume of warmth, and the fake lights of a city night
A need to create, a need to feel, a need to catch words that don't come to me.

This is the dead end of certainty, the logic that bounds phrases be gone,
There are no meanings and there's no flow, what has my mind done?

Immovable with no way to go, I wish to fly or fall but obviously I can't
If I were to ask for help, my mouth won't move, I be stuck with a lack of words.

What it is there to convey anyway? The solitude, the darkness, the person that I am?
I don't have a muse nor inspiration, no precise sentiment nor a specific memory...

Is this a waste of time, lost in the wonder of nothing, perhaps an unfulfilling wish to be?
These are words, objects, logic and a rhythm of waves that still don't make sense.

I just want to catch them all: feelings, memories, statements, ideas, feelings
Catch them, make them my own, let them be a pattern created from my soul.

Absurd that nothing comes up at this time, at this night, at this hour,
Everything seems to be living endlessly in a powerless breath.


Jumping in space, net in hand, I still can't catch those stardust words,
Am I wrong in trying to catch them just on my own?

It doesn't matter anyway,
It is a fruitless adventure...

To catch words in a mute space...with nobody to help.

It's Almost 4am

It is almost 4am and I can't go back to sleep.

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, I feel anxious and I want to cry. I can't do anything, it is like I'm incapable of actually shedding tears.

Before I didn't use to have this problem, I have pills that I could take to make me fall asleep but I don't want to take more medicine. It is already enough with the antidepressants and the antibiotics I'm taking for the current infection I have in my ears and throat.

I think I need help but I don't know who to ask at 4am in the morning, I don't want to cut so I'm nowhere near a knife...but I want to cry, scream, and I want someone to help me...More precisely, I want somebody to save me from myself.

Why is it hard? I don't get it, I shouldn't feel like this, I've been working with my doctor and my psychologist and I still get these sleepless nights in which I want to escape...I want to disappear. There is something wrong with me and I can't fix it, even if I want to fix it, it doesn't...

I believed to be strong, to solve my own issues and be my own hero....Self sufficient and right now it is all collapsing in nonsense. I'm afraid of insanity, I'm actually questioning it, logically I should be fine but I am not.

I am trying so hard, I don't want to be a disappointment to me and everyone else but it is so hard.

Now, I am finally crying...

Crying in silence as usual, trying not to wake up everyone...

It doesn't make sense, I want help but I am still crying in silence...I feel ashamed.

Vulnerable, broken and fragile...I don't want to but I can't help it.

Why can't I be happy like everyone else? What the hell is wrong with me?

I'm in pain and I want somebody to save me because I can't save myself. I can't save myself this time. I feel so impotent and frustrated.

I used to pray but somehow I can't anymore, it just makes it worse...I feel like crying more and cutting. I want to hurt myself because I am helpless and I don't want to, I don't want to be weak. I don't want to rely on somebody else.

It is so fucking stupid, it doesn't make sense, it hurts so bad.

It is already 4am, I have been crying for about 20 minutes to no consolation. I don't know what to do, I'm typing my feelings because I really have no clue on what else to do.

I'm so lost and lonely...I feel like throwing up now. Throw up everything that is bad about myself, I want to let my ugliness out, feel normal and sleep. Not feel anything...

I'm sick of everything...

Nobody is going to save me, this is ridiculous, I should just dope myself to sleep...

I'm tired

Dream of a Demi Goddess

I dreamt that I was a demi goddess and it has been the coolest and weirdest dream I've had in a while...So, I have the need to write it down before I forget.

In my perspective, I see in the horizon pyramids and my palace looked Greek, columns and a very huge balcony.

There's a ceremony in which people are being converted and are ready to bow to me. I go down my balcony and there's a line of people praying while I walk in front of them. They kiss my feet as I walk down the line and after the ceremony is over; I get ready to go back inside my palace when I spot three individuals.

They look very suspicious but I still go up when I see my two grandiose sacred eagles flying up. However, one gets shut down and then the other. I become furious and somehow I knew it was those two men and woman. There is nothing that could stop me from finding these 3. Telepathically, I can sense where they at so I float there. I go across the palace to the garden where there are huge gold cages, I guess those were my eagles used to live :(

Anyway, I hanged the two men next in front of one of one of the golden cages and put the woman inside the cage. I do all of this with via telekinesis and then I question all of them who they are and who sent them.

They don't speak at all so I rip their clothes off and I snap the woman's neck. I take its corpse to the other men who are hanging from the ceiling and I ask them one more time to no reply.

So...I end up making the corpse decay in seconds and then placed it face to face to one of the men. They don't speak so I make the corpse kiss the man, or the man kisses it...I don't know both try to like eat each other and that's the end.

Weird, ain't?

Cheap Birthday Present

Roses are red.
Violets are blue. 
This cheap poem
is just for you....... You weird hipster gamer

When I think of you,
I only picture glasses.
It is nice I suppose,
since I'm not seen asses.....That would be too weird even for me

It's your birthday, you turn thirty.
You are now a wizard!
Throw a yoga party,
but not a blizzard.... Not like you could because Stormcallers can't do that yet 

This poem is ridiculous,
but you know I'm tedious.
I'll have cake in your name!
Blow a candle to wish you fame..... Even if you hate it

You hate everyone and everything
...or so you claim, but I don't think that is the case.
Maybe you care too much or maybe you don't.
Either way, you and I are now friends.

So please,
...Don't call me Go

...You haven't yet but I'm like waiting for it and I can't handle the pressure.
See!!! This poem doesn't rhyme anymore...Well, I got lazy too and I just want to wish you a...

SUPER HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

SMILE

Ohh yeah...these photos remind me of you *Not suspicious replica of miitomo's actions when they search thru their pocket to check a photo that came out of nowhere...Most likely stalking, but you know it is called an 'investigation' done with care* *wink*

"Hello, My name is Cody and I have 20 pairs of glasses and hats too, my Miitomo looks like Indiana Jones but lacks hair, a black jacket, and a whip"

You can't deny it!!! 

P.S. I asked Chad for the Russian picture...Not sure if he will get it to you or not... I hope he does