After crying her heart out, the young woman stood up and once again had a glance at the fake paradise, which in a blink of a second disappeared and everything turned to darkness once again. “What happened?” but before finishing any thought, both of them felt the sensation of falling down, but who knows what exactly happened or what the experience it might have been.
There was nothing up or down, no sounds and nothing to assure their existence with the exception of the warmth coming from their hands. Having their eyes closed or open didn’t make a difference. A floor to stand up didn’t exist and they could only talk to the nothingness.
“Are we floating?” “Falling?” “Should we be afraid?”
The flow of thoughts in their heads was unsettling and vast like the ocean itself, which they could never be able to see again. In the mist of doubt and in a reflex to fear, the same person split into two let go of each other’s hand to touch themselves in order to reassure their presence; seeking a physical body that by logic should contain that flow of thoughts. The conclusion: they were there and they were not.
The kid remained silent for a moment and the young woman could only feel something worse than her earthly fear. She thought that rejection could be the worst thing in her world but in here the nothingness penetrated her being as a cold air on a snowy night.
“Why is my younger self not talking, is she not afraid? What could she be thinking? Perhaps, she no longer is there…” unconsciously or consciously she tried to reach for the only company in the afterworld, but who could tell if her mind or if her body reacted to her wish?
“Am I talking out loud? Am I only thinking? Do I have a voice? Can I cry and be heard? Am I here? Are you here myself? Do I no longer exist?”
Desiring for tears and longing for something or someone, the frightening moment died with a scream in the infinite. The scream of a child shattered reality and not knowing how or when it happened both ended up sitting on the edge of a bridge, a sea of different hues of blue and green were beneath their feet, and a sky as clear and white on their heads felt as if snow could fall from the cosmos at anytime.To their right and to their left only the significance of pi can be similar to what they saw, the bridge had no start or an end and the little girl asked her older self
“Were you able to find it, to obtain it, did it searched for you?”
Not knowing exactly what the innocent girl meant with her words, the younger woman couldn’t respond.
“Did it find us? Tell me that we were able to grasp what we desired the most!”
As if the wind existed in that bizarre place, the woman felt a sudden breeze on her face and responded with a straight face “No, our wish was never fulfilled. Love did not love us back”
The kid with watery eyes glanced down as if trying to see a reflection on the water; to her disappointment she just saw just a frozen ocean. Her facial expression changed and a wicked smile formed on her face, in which only her lips moved to say: “My only wish and desire was never fulfilled? I died without been loved?”
Giggling at first and then laughing she saw her vivid reflection but older in a way, and tears rolled down her clean and tanned cheeks. In shame the older one moved her sight to the measureless frozen sea and with a broken voice told the girl from her past:
“Nobody could ever love us for who we were and are, nobody could understand our hidden artistic beauty, nobody could see behind the pious lies we told, and nobody could penetrate the darkness of our shield which we created to avoid pain…”
Trying to restrain herself from crying again and holding her pain like if it was a very expensive jewel, the pitiful woman stopped to breath and then, looked up at the sky. Staring back at the mirror of her existence, whose face only showed tenderness, the wiser persona could no longer hold her pathetic truth.
“No man ever hugged us with love, no… man ever kissed us with love, no man ever touched us with love, and no man ever made love to us...”
After taking a freezing deep breath, she told the little girl with now ice-covered lips in a weak and hoarse voice:
“My younger self, we... the you and I that were one at one point… were just never good enough”
“My younger self, we... the you and I that were one at one point… were just never good enough”
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