Who Cares Anyway?

Who Cares Anyway?

I wish for my sadness

to be washed away,

but my eyes are tired of trying to cry

this pain away.

There is nobody to blame,

it is just me and who cares anyway?

I wish for my loneliness 

to be cast away,

but my arms are tired of searching for someone

to carry my solitude away.

There is nobody to hug,

it is just me and who cares anyway?

My Love for you~

My Love for you

The love I have for you is indistinctly blind and has happened to almost everyone,

this love is not uncommon but it is easily unique to me.

The love I have for you is the first thing in my mind when I wake up

this love insist to stay as I sleep and haunts my dreams.

The love I have for you is more than the hate I have,

this love ignores your weaknesses, defects and your betrayal.

The love I have for you is irrational and has drained my pride out of me,

this love has stripped down my sense of self worth and part of my self.

The love I have for you doesn't know of distance and could care less about the oceans and land,

this love broke those laws but could not reach the most important place which is your heart.

The love I have for you doesn't know about ethics and morals,

this love broke those codes but could not ever break the two of you apart.

The love I have for you is mine and mine only,

this love shall never be between your hands and hers.

The love I have for you is secretive, clandestine, and repulsive,

this love is the exact opposite of what you have with her.

The love I have for you is obsessive, tentative, and  unstoppable

this love is the sweet nutrient that feeds my soul.

The love I have for you knows its limits,

this love shall never go beyond my dreams.

The love I have for you knows pain,

this love shall never fruit joy.

The love I have for you has to disappear,

but this love doesn't want to perish.

The love I have for you has to say goodbye

but, this love has never say hello to you...so, could you tell me...

How can it depart if it has never arrived in your heart?

My Meteor Shower

I had a melancholic dream of a very high, majestic, and cold colored night sky and for the first time seen a meteor shower. I had the strangest wish to make to the fallen cosmic objects, a desire that only brings me sadness for its improbable chance to occur. I woke up looking at the unchanging ceiling of my room, and wonder the illogical impulse of my unconsciousness to torture my ego. As I speak at this moment of delirium, perhaps attempting to find peace in a comatose state...My solitary entity tells me to convert these harboring feeling into a coffin and bury it in the deepest parts of a frozen underworld. I want to become a walking puppet that can't filter reality as it easily takes everything, it instantly lets it flow out of grasp. Not winning, not losing, not regretting, not making an effort to live the life it can't have. Could it be that thanatos is getting the best of me? Perhaps, I long not to be free of this physical body, nor to deny the label placed on my face...Maybe, just maybe... I just want to have the warmth of the sun that gives its rays of shine to someone else...

This is repulsive.

Wallpaper taken from Zerochan.net

Life sucks

Hello people,

 I feel like I should write a personal story full of despair with a very tragic plot. Should I try?

While I am still trying to make sense of it in my head, for now I should post these videos that made my day...less shitty than it is.

 Kitty got your tongue?

Hope it doesn't give anyone nightmares, because it is a great short film. The story and the narrative reminds me of Edgar Allan Poe, didn't he wrote a short story about a cat?

Anyway, I recommend this youtube channel to everyone who enjoys these type of stories. There are not many videos in it, and I watched them in a short time.

MrMorgansOrgans

The next two I am going to post is one story that really got me today. Since I am in a very melancholic, depressed, destructive state after been rejected; I could not help but to meditate on the many different themes of this story.

At first I thought "WOAH, so many fetishes don't even know where to start, wait.. is that a phallic symbol? you bet it is!"
 I am not sure where to start to analyze, and if I should attempt to explain in detail the meaning behind it. Perhaps, not sure if I should approach and give my full understanding of my interpretation of this art piece with all of you.

I guess I will start with the main theme and my interpretation of it.

-We humans, tend to suck at life and we experience aloneness. We want to find relatedness and to experience we are somebody special to someone else. Truth is WE ARE BORN AND DIE fcking alone!!!
-I guess the old man didn't want to find his life is complete shit and die alongside a freaking maggot. Did I say 'alongside'? I mean maggot who is fcking going to KILL HIM IN HIS SLEEP!!

I shall move now to symbolism
-maggot: phallic symbol
-Hole in the wall: a hole in the freaking wall
-Picture: isn't it obvious the dead tree means the old mean is alone and his penis is also dead?
-Mask: pretend to be someone else...
-The old man: yourself

Moving along with other themes:
-Everything is pretty sexual, as I said there are many fetishes. Voyeurism and necrophilia even bestiality?(don't know if that counts for worms...)

• Anyone flinch when the maggot got into the woman's corpse? I did

-Solitude duh!! 

I don't feel like blogging about this video anymore, I mean everything seems pretty obvious... if you didn't get something ask me, I'll tell you what I think.

As always, I hate the emptiness of solitude and the idealization of love and relationships.

Ciao~~~

Depressed & Mad

It has been a hell of a month, nothing is working for me and I just want to throw and beat shit.

List of things that have gone stray to hell:

• job
• school application
• friendship/love interest
• diet
• anime list
• vacations in Mexico city.
• my blog and pictures

and some other shit that I don't want to fcking remember. The thing that pisses me of at the moment is that my online friend; who happens to be the guy I like...BLOCK ME ON FB CHAT
Since god knows when, but I barely find out today. It sucks balls bc I feel ridiculously stupid for not noticing it before. Not only did I trust him last week, when I was about to shot myself and drown my sorrows in alcohol and told him how shitty I felt. BUT, this week he was the one been depress and shit. Gio wanting to return the favor and been supportive has been awake all fcking week online till I can't distinguish morning from night, trying to catch him online and to be there for him.

I am trying to have some fcking vacations here, but rly can't enjoy them bc I  keep thinking about him. To find out TODAY that he block me from fb chat!! so, yeah...who feels shitty now? ME!!! why couldn't he just say he doesn't feel like talking to me. Am I annoying?? if I have been sending a message on fb everyday is bc I fcking care!!! yes, I ask what is wrong bc I thought he really trust me as much as he declares he does, to find out that my concern is an annoyance to him...and obviously, he really doesn't need me. If you don't need me, why are u been so fcking emo?? I don't get you, I don't get wtf men are thinking about.

Not only did I find this out, but my old crush happens to be VERY active after I deleted him from my fb friends...AND YES I am adding him back, lets see if he does add me back...sounding like revenge on my current crush?? yeah, it is...at least I get to stare at smexy pictures of my old crush and drool for a short moment.

So yeah, this was my rage post, cuz I feel like expressing all this desire to hit both guys on the freaking crotch until they get on ther knees.

Ohh yeah, my current plan to go out clubbing and hit on hot amazing guys, has also fail...I went to like 3 different clubs and NOTHING!!! My gay friend obviously took me to gay clubs, but he started to feel "sick" and had to go back home. Didn't even get a chance to dance for more than 2 minutes....

Gio doesn't know if to cry or laugh about her current situation..for now, I am going to wash my make-up, put my pjs, declared failure at life and go to sleep.