Uneasy Feeling...

Lately, I have had weird mixed feelings

Right now, I feel nervous and anxious about nothing...I do not have a perfect life, but I don't really have a motive to be this uneasy. It is like I am impatient for something or like I have the feeling something is going to happen.

It is not only this but all this past week I have been craving for a cigarette and guess what? I don't smoke and have never been a smoker before.

Another weird thing that I have experience are my dreams, I can identify the stimuli that might cause them but they are just too abnormal (even for MYSELF!!) I had a color dream that turned into black and white and then color was in it too. The scene was really bizarre and if I have the time I might try to draw it. I dreamt with my high school crush, I can't remember the dream but I have the feeling that was about something that at a previous time would have had me rejoiced in hope. I wish I could say it is was a pleasant dream, but first I don't remember and second of all, it is too late to even have any feelings towards him...It is so irrelevant at this point in time because I no longer like him.

Today, I didn't care much about school even thou I usually get that procrastination inspiration that kicks in at the perfect time to complete whatever I have to do...THIS did not happened.

I talked to my sister about something serious, about suicide and how at a times it might not seem like it is but it is. We talked about the people who jumped at 9/11 and if that could be considered suicide. My sister and another friend agreed and I do too to an extend, but surprisingly I feel like I would have had done the same but not really because I lack the courage to actually jump.  I want to just think that I am not able to decide in a case like this and probably do not have a coherent decision because I think all depends on the situation.

Anyway, maybe I am becoming an 'attention whore' because I have posted this on fb and twitter...I am writing about it and I feel like talking about it but not really....SEE WHAT I MEAN

I just really hope nothing bad happens...maybe I have too much free time or not something important to worry about...maybe I should just shut up and swallow whatever feeling this is...(O.o)?

I don't even know what to say to end this post....could it be an existential issue?